Kim Jong-Un, Guiding Sun Ray of North Korea
OlympicGames are debased and desecrated by Western imperialists. North Korean athletes are so skillful that nobody on the planet Earth can compete with them. South Koreans were desperate to bask in the rays of Juche Sun and begged to march together under the Unification flag. However, we all know that the only possible Unification flag has to be painted in DPRK colours. Tired of that vanity fair, our Almighty Leader Kim Jong-Un has resolved to challenge extraterrestrial civilizations and make his own Olympics! A successful launch of Pulgasari-1 will let us establish contact with alien forms of life and invite them to Earth. Four strongest nations from different corners of the universe will contend the united team of humanity in 7 winter sport disciplines. KIM tokens will be the only pass to that historic event!
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Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
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The united team of humanity put together the most talented athletes of the Earth. Amazingly, all of them originate from North Korea. Team’s captain is President of the Earth Kim Jong-Un himself.
A team of humanoid crustaceans from the Union of Decapod Socialist Republics. Decapodians are true masters of sideways skiing and claw-plach. Were the first alien nation to convert into Interstellar Socialism. Team’s doctor J.Zoidberg is worldwide-known for curing injuries in a couple of hours.
These furry dwarfs from Melmac are much more dexterous than they look. Melmacian’s physique lets them achieve incredible results at curling. Team’s cook ALF knows a special recipe of catsup, which secret ingredient multiplies Melmacians’ speed and endurance
Tralfamadorians exist in all times simultaneously, and thus know that Kim Jong-Un is going to take all bitcoin medals. Figure skating is a special form of art for them. Hate wet handshakes.
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Gold Medal Designer
Sport Nutrition Specialist
Team Morale and Motivation Expert